Sex Is The Way We Play, A Rant

Is sex the most important thing in the world? No, obviously not, but it is really, really important. Now, as the writer of the sex blog, of course I’d say that. Sure, sure, sex is sooo important, gimme a break. But I mean it, even though it’s not the most important thing for humans, it’s way up there.

Ok, so here’s what’s more important than sex: strong, healthy, loving relationships. That is the most important thing in the world, period. But I’m not here to talk about why relationships are so integral being human, I’m here to talk about why sex is.

Sex is how adults play, which is the word we use for, “things we do for fun.” Remember fun? Fun is that thing that, when you were a ki,d you knew without question was the most important thing in the world. Relationships are what keep us alive, fun is what we live for. Now, I can already hear some readers saying, “Well he’s a millennial, of course he thinks fun is what we should live for, such narcissism.” Yeah, well, if that’s you right now then go away and stop bumming the rest of us out (or keep reading, whatever).

Play is super important, as much today as ever. We work many, many long hours as Western adults and are encouraged to funnel any and all creativity into our work. Fantasy and roleplaying are looked down upon as juvenile and have been relegated to the last bastion of play for adults, sex. Now all my Settlers of Catan players out there are getting their panties in a knot and I acknowledge that games in all forms are having a renaissance, and this is fantastic news. Right now, however, sex is still the primary form of play for adults and if sex isn’t going well for you then there’s a good likelihood that the amount of fun in your life is low. There is so much pressure for sex to be always fun and fulfilling and abundant, because it’s our primary playful release, that when sex isn’t so fun or fulfilling or is lacking in your life then life can start to seem pretty shitty.

There is a whole argument to be made about how we need to de-stigmatize the use of imagination and play as a thing for adults to engage in. Adults are actively discouraged from the kinds of playing that they were encouraged to do as children. This is the reason I think sex is so important, humans need to have fun. This is something that I emphatically believe. If sex is how adults have fun then great, but if so, we need to make it ok for adults to really have fun. This is why I think that getting rid of the stigma that surrounds kinks and fetishes and all the myriad ways in which people express themselves is so important. In a world with so much stress we need to be able to relieve ourselves of it as best we can and feeling shamed or guilty about the way we choose to play is going to greatly impede that catharsis.

Being open to the way in which people choose to play is your obligation as a human being. As long as no one is hurting anyone else or themselves, we need to support everyone in their quest to have as much free, self expressed fun as they possibly can. I want to live in a world where there is no sexual stigma and no stigma around fun and play. I want to live in a world where people are encouraged to express themselves in a healthy and positive way, to counterbalance the demands and stresses that this futuristic 21st century life places on all of us.

I take sex seriously because I take play seriously. I seriously think that play is fucking important and I think that fucking is how most people play. The reason why I do this blog is so that people will learn more about sex and how other people enjoy it, and how to enjoy it more safely, but most of all it’s so that, through exposure, people will start to become accepting of sexuality on all levels, not as something to be private and secretive about but to be proud and accepting about. The queer community has always had it right (obviously), we need to take pride in our sexuality and encourage everyone to do the same because who’ll want to fight when we’re having this much fun. Ever been to a pride parade? I’ve never seen a better celebration of fun and play in my life.

Rant over.

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