Tag Archives: Oral Sex

What Is Sex? Or, How Do I Know If I’ve Lost My Virginity?

I was speaking with a woman who wanted me to do a blog post on adult virgins (which I plan to do) when I was struck by something that she was saying. She was in her early twenties and considered herself a virgin yet when I asked her about her sexual history I learned that she regularly engaged in sexual activity like oral sex and mutual masturbation, she just hasn’t been vaginally or anally penetrated. This seems to be the distinction, for many, between virginity and lack there of. Penetration = sex. I feel it is my duty to proclaim that penetration ≠ sex…well, ok it does but it’s not the only thing that equals sex.

 So here it is, the age old argument against defining sex as vaginal penetration. Lesbians and gay men. Now I hear your argument already, “Lesbians use strap-ons and gay men penetrate each other anally,” but here’s the thing, not all lesbians use strap-ons and anal sex isn’t as common amongst gay men as pop culture and pornography would have you believe. Many homosexuals have had non-penetrative sex their whole lives and you can trust me that most would not consider themselves virgins. Sex is what happens when two horny people consent to help each other feel pleasure in an erotic way. Ever notice how it’s called oral SEX. Now I’ll concede that the line get’s blurry when the people aren’t in the same room; are phone sex and cyber sex the kinds of sex that constitutes a loss of virginity?

 If the question is “Did I just have sex?” I think that the answer must also come in the form of a question. “Do you think you just had sex?” if the answer is “Yes!” then you, my friend, just had sex! When two women are bringing each other to climax using their hands and mouths they most definitely think that they are having sex, and they’d be right. Sex is just one of those terrible things like art that is kind of subjective. Some people believe that anything can be art and in a similar way if you believe that you’re having sex that’s the only way to really know if you’re having sex. No one else can tell you.

So I get that this woman I was speaking to doesn’t think that she’s had sex yet but she also seems to be putting an inordinate amount of weight on one particular sexual act to the point of almost negating all her previous sexual experience. I don’t think that we should raise vaginal intercourse up on some pedestal of sexuality as the key sex act to which all other sex acts are lesser. It’s just one kind of sexual activity that can make up sex, and in fact, it’s one of the more high risk things you can do with a sexual partner. This doesn’t even cover the fact that considering vaginal intercourse to be the only real kind of sex is a highly discriminatory and heteronormative viewpoint and leaves people who do not engage in this kind of sex on the fringe. I for one believe that the sex act which we consider to be the primary and most important one should be masturbation. I think that would go a long way towards demystifying sex.

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Rates Of Gonorrhea Are Crazy High Cause No One Wants To Wear A Condom During Oral Sex

Gonorrhea is on the rise in the United States. The Center For Disease Control has claimed that three hundred thousand Americans a year contract it. What they are also saying, however, is that a large proportion of these new cases are due to unprotected oral sex.

The symptoms of gonorrhea are varied. Often it hurts or burns to pee or can lead to pelvic inflammatory disease, which can cause women to become infertile. But even though the effects are usually felt between the legs, the easiest way to contract gonorrhea is through fellatio. It gets passed through the throat (saliva can break it down so it is not transmittable through cunnilingus and kissing) so unprotected fellatio is a major risk factor for contracting it.

The problem is, who uses condoms during oral sex? The answer: hardly anyone. People just don’t use condoms when giving/getting head. Men think that it will take away from the pleasure they experience and, for whatever reason, this is a good enough excuse to forgo safety. I’ll admit, I’ve never met someone who told me that they used condoms during oral sex. I’ve never used condoms during oral sex. A lot of people who are way majorly sexual health conscious have a total mental block when it comes to oral transmission of STIs. There’s a whole, “It’ll never happen to me,” attitude that a lot of us are guilty of.

But what is going to change to make us all practice safer oral sex? Do the condom manufacturers need to develop special condoms specifically for oral sex. How about using some water based lube inside a slightly bigger condom and a lot of checking to make sure that the condom is on properly throughout the session. I doubt that any of these sound as appealing as condom-less oral sex but not spreading gonorrhea is a pretty appealing thing too.

So again, what will it take to make safer oral sex practices more common place? I don’t really know but something has to change (hint: it might be our attitudes).

Via Jezebel

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How Risky is Oral Sex?

Click here or image for link to article

It’s something that doesn’t get talked about very frequently. Very few people use condoms or dental dams when performing oral sex and the risk of various STIs is certainly present. Herpes, gonorrhea and HPV are totally contractable via oral sex. But what exactly is the risk?

STD clinics have reported that 5 to 10 percent of patients have gonorrhea of the throat. Scarier still: Cases of antibiotic-resistant oral gonorrhea are on the rise (meaning these cases are harder to treat but not incurable).

…herpes. It presents the biggest threat of transmission through oral sex, and barrier methods don’t always prevent it. Most risky is the transmission of HSV-1, which typically shows up as sores around the mouth but which can be transmitted from the mouth to the genitals. One study found that women who received oral sex but didn’t have vaginal intercourse were more than nine times as likely to contract the virus than sexually inactive women.

Food for thought.

Via Salon

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