Monthly Archives: December 2012

Female Sexual Fluidity And Male Sexual Rigidity

A woman  I am friends with was married to a man for a good number of years and before him she was only ever involved with men. Their relationship stopped working and the next person my friend ended up falling in love with happened to be a woman. This story is more common than you may think, in fact there’s a whole book of similar accounts called Dear John, I Love Jane.

The question that invariably comes up in these situations is, were they always lesbian/bisexual or is this a new development in their sexual orientation? and can our sexual orientation change over our lives? Now, obviously the answer to the first question varies woman by woman but the answer to the second question is an emphatic, yes. Sexual orientation is a fluid thing that can certainly change over time, especially, according to experts, for women. This isn’t to say that men’s sexuality can’t also be fluid but there is some evidence to say that men have at least a slightly more rigid sexuality.

Many women who discover the fluidity of their sexual orientation have a difficult time fitting it into one of the neat little boxes that we have created for them. Often they will change their sexual identity from lesbian to bisexual (even back to straight in some cases) over and over again, not necessarily ever settling on one that feels most comfortable. This to me seems like just an other reason to do away with the notion of cut and dry sexual orientations and start to view sexuality as a moving point on a spectrum. One has to wonder if we would ever have had the kind of sexual orientation system that we have now if the world were run by women!

It is often said that men’s sexuality is totally rigid and that they are unlikely to change orientation over their lifetimes, but that idea is becoming less and less popular. I think it would be fair to say that men have more of a tendency to rigidly focus on one kind of sexuality or orientation than women do, but it is by no means completely fixed in all cases. This rigidity may, however, account for why paraphilias are so much more common amongst men than women. Men account for the vast majority of “unusual” sexual interests such as necrophilia. As Justin Lehmiller puts it on his blog, The Psychology of Human Sexuality, “men are just more likely to become fixated on a specific sexual target, whereas women tend to become aroused by a wider range of stimuli.”

What is interesting is that, for both men and women, there are far more people who are willing to admit that they are at least somewhat attracted to the same sex than there are who will actually identify as bisexual. There is so much stigma attached to any kind of non-hetero orientation and that could be skewing the statistics about sexual fluidity. Who knows, our own internalized homophobia could be keeping us from realizing just how fluid our sexual interests really are.

Bi-, Hetero-, and Homosexual are all just terms that didn’t exist before the 1860’s anyways. Like most things in life, our sexuality doesn’t fit neatly into one of these categories. Now we just have to wait for society to catch up so that we can do away with sexual orientation (and dare I say, gender) all together. When Katy Perry kissed a girl and liked it, it wasn’t some scandalous thing, it was actually pretty boring and normal. It’s like writing a song about eating apples…and liking it.

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The “Oh!” Face: Top 10 Most Viewed Posts Of 2012


2012 was a big year here at The “Oh!” Face most importantly because we started the blog this year in August. That being said, it’s only been a few months so a top 10 list seems a little ambitious but here it is anyways, the top ten most viewed posts of 2012 as viewed by you:

Number 10: How Risky is Oral Sex?

Not not risky.

Number 9: What The Shape Of Your Lips Says About Your Orgasms

It turns out that women’s lip shape can be a determinant of wether or not they are able to orgasm vaginally.

Number 8: 17 Shades of Stupid: Cosmo’s Worst BDSM Tips

Cosmo wouldn’t be so bad if it wasn’t one of the top mainstream sources of sex education for women…instead, it is.

Number 7: Toyota’s Gender Bending Win!

Best commercial of the year…wait for it.

Number 6: Talking About Anal Sex

Always a good idea, not always a common practice, especially amongst sex researchers.

Number 5: According To Our Friend Science, Fall Is The Season Of Sex (Go Figure)

Kick those fall blues…by fucking! (Can I say fucking? Of course I can, it’s my blog! w00t!)

Number 4: Why We Still Need Feminism (Oh And By The Way, You’re A Feminist)

Essential viewing and reading for anyone still unsure as to wether or not they are a Feminist (here’s a hint, do you think men and women are equal?)

Number 3: What Type Of Casual Sex Are You Having? (A Flow Chart)

This chart is a little hard to navigate but then again, so are casual relationships. Man, so are all relationships really, and so is this chart…and this caption.

Number 2: Just Some More Mainstream Slut Shaming on Facebook, NBD.

This particular post was one of our earliest ones and so got a lot of hits just due to it’s time up on the blog but it was also one of the ones that got the most hits from search engine terms…and man did it get some f’d up search engine terms. Let’s just say, I hope that the people who searched for those things learned a little something from stopping by the blog…yeesh!

And finally, The Number 1 Blog Post Of 2012 as determined by your views:

Pegging: An Account Of One Man’s Discovery Of His Favorite New Kink 

I’m really glad that this one got so many views because I put the most work into it. It started as a for-fun interview over some lego building in my dining room and it turned out to be a pretty great post about sexual exploration and gender role fluidity.

Well, thanks a lot everybody for tuning in, strapping on and blissing out, I wish you all the best in 2013. Keep checking us out, hopefully the next year will be as successful as the past few months have been. I can’t stress enough how much fun I have doing this. This is something that I really love and I hope to do for a long time. Thanks to everyone for their feedback and support and remember, be safe, have fun, respect yourself and others. Now, let’s continue to be a part of this sexual and genderal (not a word) groundbreaking that seems to be happening all over the world (if not the internet).


It Is Totally Legal To Fire Your Employee For Being Too Hot In Iowa

This week in wacky news related to gender and sex: An Iowa dentist fired his female employee of 10 years because she was too attractive. He allegedly made remarks about the bulge in his pants being a good indicator that she was wearing clothes that were too revealing and his wife was none too happy about her working there. The case went to court, naturally, and the Supreme Court of Iowa ruled that the termination was totally illegal…wait did I say illegal? Yeah, sorry I meant legal.

The  All Fucking Male Supreme Fucking Court of Fucking Iowa (pardon my language) decided that this inappropriate-comment-making, wife-having, douche was totally justified in firing this (we have to assume) perfectly capable employee because she gave him a fucking boner. Gross. Just gross, Iowa. I’m reacting pretty strongly to this one I know, but it’s because this shouldn’t even be a question. This is the most flagrant display of systemic sexism I’ve heard about in recent years and it is so laughable it hurts.

The employee in question went on to publicly ultimate-friendzone this guy, saying that she never felt sexually attracted to him and saw him as a sort of “father figure.” More like creepy uncle figure if you ask me, or even sexually-harassing employer figure. I get that there are a lot of shitty, sexually harassing employers out there but I feel like very few of them have the sanction of a supreme court. Bad precedent Iowa, let’s hope this ruling gets overturned and we can regain a shred of hope for humanity. If not, stay tuned, I have a video of George Takei reading 50 Shades of Grey that’ll make your day.

For more on this story watch this:


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Happy Holidays, Taking Some Days Off

Hey, I’m taking some days off from posting so that I can shop and spend time with family. I may post here and there throughout the next few days but don’t count on it. See you after the 25th, hope the world doesn’t end tomorrow. Oh, and if you’re having big heavy meals and want to have some special holiday sex with your significant other remember Dan Savage’s advice: Have sex first and then eat dinner! If not you’ll be too bloated and tired to have sex. That’s all. Happy Holidays.

P.S. if the world does end tomorrow, thanks everyone for visiting the blog and reading the posts. I wouldn’t be doing it if you weren’t reading it. All the positive feedback has helped make this a very fulfilling project. Love you.


Today Is International Day To End Violence Against Sex Workers

I live in a community that has been affected very significantly by violence against sex workers. One particular group of murders stands out as one of the worst cases of serial murder in Canada. December 17th is an important day of remembrance, regardless of your opinion on the legal status or validity of sex work.

December 17th is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally conceptualized by Annie Sprinkle and initiated by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations and their allies stage actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against our communities.

Please visit if you want to know more.

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Durex Condoms’ Terrific Apocalypse Ad Campaign













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My Two Cents About Consent

I often finish my blog posts with a sentence or two to the effect of, “you should try your best to communicate openly and honestly with your partners about sex, it’s more important than anything else I’ve talked about above.” This is my general attitude and belief. Talking with your partners about sex both before, during and after is the key to having the most fun, fulfilling and safe possible sex. That is my opinion and will likely remain so.

I don’t talk about sexual assault or rape very much, if at all. I think that there have been quite enough cisgendered, straight identified, white men (of which I am one) talking about rape in 2012. Many of them have made complete asses of themselves in public and have been berated forcefully on the internet and other media outlets.

What I do want to talk about, which ties into sexual assault, is consent. A number of people who get charged with rape make the argument that “consent is such a tricky issue.” The idea behind this is that it’s next to impossible to know wether or not you have received consent. This my friends is bullshit. But the problem is as much to do with these rapey douchebags as it is to do with our current attitudes towards sex. We are so afraid to talk about sex in most circumstances. We are so scared to speak openly and bluntly with our partners about our needs, desires, preferences, dislikes, kinks, etc. Now, this is not the case for everyone obviously, some people have amazingly open communication with their partners about their sexuality, but those people, from what I can tell are a rarity.

Good sexual communication is not the norm in North America (where I live). So, what does this have to do with anything? It has to do with consent. Ask yourself honestly: When was the last time I asked, or was asked, explicitly for consent? I’m talking, “Would you like to have sex with me right now?” I’m serious. How many people have asked that question with a straight face? I’m going to guess very few. It seems to most like such an awkward and uncomfortable question. It seems so unsexy, right?

Now process that for a second. Our sexual culture is one that thinks that asking for explicit consent to have sex is unsexy. It’s built in to the structure of how we view sex. Sex is still, in many ways a taboo. If something is sexual it is labeled Not Safe For Work. Sex is against the rules, it’s icky, it’s embarrassing and it’s not something you talk about straightforwardly. There are more sexual euphemisms than any other kind I can think of. So fine, use euphemism then! “Hey, wanna bone?” But still that can come off as too upfront. Let’s face it, in the current sexual climate, asking for direct consent in a sexy way is a challenge, but not getting consent can lead to much bigger issues. Perhaps we can sacrifice a little sexiness for some good communication.

I’m not convinced that I have a point but if I do it’s probably this: We don’t need to make explicit consent a sexy thing, we just need to make it a thing that we do. The pendulum needs to swing such that, even in long term relationships, we are asking for consent every time. And it can be sexy if you make it sexy. Maybe I’m just a square, but to me nothing could be better than starting off your sexual encounter with some communication. Encouraging open dialogue in sexual relationships isn’t just about trying to help people have the most fulfilled sex lives possible (though that is part of it), it’s also about opening up the societal conversation about sex, period. I am over sex being a topic that is Not Safe For Work. I am over sex being a topic that we don’t feel comfortable talking about in certain situations, because the more we accept that sex is not something that we talk about, the more harm that lack of conversation and communication has the potential to inflict. Rant over.

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Scientists Working On Crazy New Discrete Female Condom Made Out Of Nano-Fabric…Or Something

Admittedly, this one is a little over my head. Scientists at the University of Washington published an article detailing their new idea for a female condom that protects against both unwanted pregnancy and HIV. It uses a method called electrospinning which is basically nano-knitting. Its a way of using an electric field to create extremely fine fibers with varying degrees of strength, shape and solubility. Because they are soluble and so versatile these fibers may turn out to be the best delivery method for contraceptive medicines.

So basically they make a really thin condom but its make up is able to both physically stop sperm and release chemicals that can kill sperm and stop the spread of STIs. Now, not everyone is super trigger happy to put a bunch of anti-HIV drugs in their system but presumably people who’s partners are HIV positive are going to love this idea and also it would stand to reason that they wouldn’t all have to have a chemical component if they also create a physical barrier.

The fibers can be made to dissolve quickly to create an immediate barrier or over the course of a few days in a sort of slow release birth control kinda way. If this thing goes into development (and it looks like it will because Bill and Melinda Gates have already thrown a million bucks at it) it’s impossible to know if people will actually use it. The major up side is that this is a contraceptive that protects against STIs that is in the hands of women and, as I’ve said in the past, this is something that women should take advantage of.

New advances in the field of sexual health are always interesting but not necessarily worth holding your breath for. There are ways that are available right now to take control of your sexual health, not the least of wich is educating yourself and communicating with your partners. So until the nano-bots are swimming through our bloodstream and eating up our disease we should probably get to know what is available to us in the here and now. Future sex will have to wait for the world of tomorrow true believers.

Via University Of Washington


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Dan Savage: Nobody’s Normal

…especially not the normal folks

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